On Saturday, 8 May 2004, after many years of preparation--much of it done through personal prayer, reading, reflection, and publication--I was ordained to the permanent diaconate of the Catholic Church by Most Reverend Michael J. Sheridan, the Bishop of Colorado Springs. With great kindness and pastoral concern, Bishop Sheridan had agreed to do the ordination at Our Lady of the Skies, the beautiful Cadet Catholic Chapel at the United States Air Force Academy where, at the time, I was serving as Visiting Chair of Character Development.
Bishop Sheridan's graciousness was complemented by the thoughtfulness of "my" bishop, Most Reverend Oscar H. Lipscomb, Archbishop of Mobile; he had been patient and encouraging as I sought ordination in Colorado Springs for service, soon to be, in my home of Montgomery , Alabama , which is in the Archdiocese of Mobile. If, however, that seems complicated, there is another critical part of this ordination story-the understanding and support of Most Reverend Edwin F. O'Brien, Archbishop for the Military Services.
The Academy Chapel, in fact, is part of the Military Archdiocese, and Bishop Sheridan wanted the "advice and consent" of Archbishop O'Brien for the ordination Mass to take place there-as well as the "advice and consent" of my home bishop, Archbishop Lipscomb, who would soon have me back in Alabama .
The ordination of a deacon is--or certainly should be--a matter of great concern to the deacon candidate, who passes from lector to acolyte to deacon, at each stage petitioning the bishop for the privilege of serving in the "minor ministries" and then, finally, asking to receive the sacrament of Holy Orders. Bishops, very understandably, have a great deal more to be concerned about than the aspirations of a single deacon candidate. It is a matter, therefore, of some astonishment (and of solemn pride) to me that these three gracious bishops actually discussed my circumstances and went ahead with the ordination.
The ordination itself--with the Cadet Catholic choir providing beautiful music for the Mass--is happily burned into my memory: choosing the readings for the Mass; lying prostrate while the litany of saints was sung; taking sacred vows while kneeling before Bishop Sheridan; being vested with stole and dalmatic by my pastor, Air Force Chaplain R. Martin Fitzgerald; then serving as Deacon of the Mass, including being able to incense both the bishop and the congregation; and raising the Chalice with the Precious Blood during the consecration-there are no words to describe the blessing and privilege and solemnity of the sacrament.
Three days later, after the 0620 Mass on Monday morning, Father Fitzgerald was to do a baptism for a young Air Force enlisted couple. The Godparents of their little baby girl were to be in town only for a short time, and Father Fitzgerald had agreed to the baptism, which was planned for 0650 that morning. In the meantime, however, Father learned that the Air Force Catholic chaplains' retreat was to be held that week, requiring that he leave at once after Mass to get to the Colorado Springs airport for departure. There was no problem, though, he thought: Deacon Toner could do the baptism. "Sure," I thought. Then I panicked: Me? Alone?
Of course, I had gone over the "Rite of Baptism for Children" many times.
But I thought that, when I did my first baptism, I would have a friendly priest right there with me. Father Fitzgerald assured me that it would be fine. Theologically, I knew that God would make right anything I inadvertently did "wrong" (it's called ex opere operato, by the way), but I wanted everything to go perfectly. I rehearsed and rehearsed and rehearsed.
The couple, the Godparents, and the little baby girl, however, did not show up. I waited ten, twenty, thirty, forty minutes. I sighed, extinguished the candles, put away the sacred oils, and removed my stole and dalmatic. I left the Cadet Chapel on my way to a much-delayed breakfast. As I was locking the door, the family arrived, apologizing for their tardiness. Hmmm:
a lecture on punctuality or a spirit of service? Maybe it was the grace of the ordination that helped me choose the latter. So on again came the alb and stole and dalmatic; out again came the oils; and lit again were the candles.
I tried to provide a little guidance and instruction about this wonderful sacrament, which is indeed the "seal of eternal life," (Catechism #1274) and I explained how little Jenna Nicole was receiving, as a child, the "grace and gift of God" (#1282) and joining the family of God. From the Rite, I read the beautiful line: "the Christian community welcomes you [Jenna Nicole] with great joy. In its name I claim you for Christ our Savior by the sign of his cross."
A lump about the size of a golfball, I think, came into my throat. I swallowed very hard.
Thank God, I was able to continue, but I was momentarily stunned by what I was doing! I was claiming this little girl for Our Lord and for His Church.
I guess I knew that, through the power of the ordination, I could do that as a deacon (as, of course, any of us can in an emergency). But I cannot adequately describe the flood of emotion that overtook me as I proceeded with the sacrament I was so privileged to offer in the name of Christ and of Holy Mother Church .
After the baptism, while I held little Jenna Nicole, I told the parents and Godparents I was a 58-year-old deacon. I asked them how many baptisms they thought I had done in my "career." Forty, they said; no, it must be closer to 100; no, perhaps 250! "One," I said, pointing at this newly baptized little girl. I added that she will always be in prayers-as she certainly will be. The family seemed quite pleased with it all. I hope so.
Later in the day I sent the parents a card, thanking them for the sacred privilege of being able to baptize their little girl and telling them that the greatest gift they could ever give her is to love each other truly and deeply. I do not know how many baptisms God will send my way, but the sentiments expressed on the card I sent to these parents I will send in other cards, at other times, to the parents of every other baby I baptize.
That may even include some of my own grandchildren-now there is a joyful thought!
My ministry as a deacon, I hope, will for many years be at the Catholic Chapel at Maxwell AFB, permitting me to work with the military families I love. In St. Paul 's first letter to Timothy, we read: "I am grateful to him who has strengthened me, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he considered me trustworthy in appointing me to the ministry" (1:12). One is never worthy of Holy Orders; one is never worthy of baptizing little children like Jenna Nicole, or adults; one is never worthy of the Blessed Sacrament-"Domine, non sum dignus" (cf. Mt 8:8)-but we all must try the very best we can to grow in holiness.
At the end of Mass, it is the deacon who announces that we are to go in peace to love and serve the Lord. That is our charge; that is our calling; that is our purpose and our fulfillment. I am ever grateful to three bishops who made possible for me this sacrament, and I hope, for many years now, to show that gratitude in action to military families. What a joy it is to serve Christ and His Church as a deacon!